(i inhaled this world for so long) i tore out my lungs
by blodreina
Summary: The "Tony Lives" AU that no one asked for. Tony is comatose for five months after the Snap. He wakes to find that his family has believed him dead in that time.
1. Chapter 1

Tony is vaguely aware of the presence of those he loves. He doesn't remember when he'd lost the strength to speak, to turn his head toward them. All he is sure of is that he is fading.

There will be no meaningful last words on his end. That's alright. He's made sure that they know how much he loves them, right? Will they be able to hold onto it for a lifetime? He hopes so.

_You can rest now. _

The corners of his mouth turn up in the ghost of a smile.

He sleeps.

()()()

It is dark and warm here.

Dimly, Tony registers that he is probably no longer on the battlefield, and that he now lies flat on his back, though he can't open his eyes to assess his surroundings. There is a low buzz of voices around him, and he wants to ask where he is, but nothing comes out when he tries to speak. His limbs are leaden, and his mouth feels as though it's been stuffed with cotton.

He's too tired to try again. He drifts.

()()()

_Are we actually discussing this?_

_It's been months with hardly any change. Isn't it _time_ we discussed it?_

_Now wait just a fucking min -_

_Fury! Fury, the activity on the machines is changing - does that mean he's waking up?_

_Stark? Stark, can you hear me?_

()()()

It's different when Tony wakes this time - there's pain.

A dull ache radiating up the entire right side of his body. Slightly less so in his face, worse toward his arm and hand. He doesn't remember why that's worse off.

It's also different in that he can open his eyes this time. His surroundings are blurry at first as he blinks, trying to make sense of where he is - a bland, white room. What appears to be medical equipment. His bed has a railing. A hospital room, then? SHIELD medical?

God, he fucking hates waking in the hospital. He's not too fond of not knowing how he landed here, either, but trying to think back brings a headache, so he doesn't try for long.

He's only alone for a short while before someone comes in - two someones, actually. A doctor and Nick Fury just behind him. Of course.

Tony means to ask, _why am I here?_ but what comes out instead is a breathy, "Where's the kid?" He blinks once, twice. Doesn't remember making the decision to ask that.

"He doesn't know you're alive," Fury says, coming to stand at Tony's bedside.

"What?"

"I'm gonna make this short and sweet, Stark, alright? When they brought you home, we thought you were dead. Somehow, you weren't. Still clinging to life because you've always been a stubborn bastard, I'll give you that. Your death had already been announced by then - an executive decision was made to keep your survival quiet until we knew it was definite. You were comatose for five months. We started discussing pulling the plug on you a few days ago. You woke up in the middle of that conversation. 'Course you did."

For a moment, Tony can't breathe.

Peter, Pepper, Morgan, Rhodey.

His family has believed him dead for five months and now - what, SHIELD is just going to drop him back into their lives?

"How could you not tell them?" is all he manages in the end. He wants to say more, but he's caught between both the long ingrained need not to show vulnerability and his body's physical weakness. Speaking isn't easy.

"Wasn't my call."

"I..." God, fuck, his head is starting to feel fuzzy again, and he desperately doesn't want to pass out, but that seems to be where he's headed. "I want to see them," he forces past the dizziness, the blackness crowding the edges of his vision. Fuck. Fuck.

There's a moment's pause, but he can see that Fury is going to acquiesce. It's enough for him. He's gone again before the words are out of the man's mouth.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time Tony wakes, the kid is there.

It takes him a solid thirty seconds, thoughts too fuzzy either from sleep or his injuries, to recognize him, though Peter looks no different. The teenager's lips are trembling faintly, his hands white-knuckled where they clasp the side of Tony's bed, head bowed.

"Kid." His tongue feels thick, heavy in his mouth, but the word must be distinguishable enough, because Peter's head jerks up. Wide brown eyes fixate on Tony's face, and so Tony tries to smile reassuringly, which earns him a shuddering breath - sob and eyes filled with tears.

_"Mr. Stark -" _

"Hey, hey, no, don't cry." Panic stirs in the pit of his stomach. He's gotten better at handling crying children, but a teenager is a far cry from a five year old. Fumbling and still too weak to even dream of sitting up, he brings his hand up to curl fingers around the kid's own, patting clumsily. "I'm here, see? It's all okay now, buddy, it's over. It's all over."

Another sob tears its away from Peter's throat, but he's nodding, free hand lifting to swipe at his face, though the tears only continue to fall. There's a beat of pained silence, and then,

"I just missed you so _much_."

Yeah. Yeah, Tony can relate to that. He'd missed the hell out of this kid for five years. At least Peter had only had to mourn for a few months, which - which still probably wasn't easy.

"I missed you too, buddy," he murmurs, words scraping against his throat. "But we're both here now. I guess someone told you what happened, huh?"

A slow nod. Well, that's good, because Tony doesn't exactly have all the pieces yet himself. He nods too, and gives Peter's hand another pat.

"Just you, huh?" God, he's tired. When is this going to alleviate? He'd like to be able to stay awake more than a half hour at a time. "No Pep?"

The kid scrubs at his face again with his sleeve. "She'll be back soon," he mumbles. "She had to drop Morgan off somewhere, didn't want her seeing you like this, I guess. She said I could stay with you and hold down the fort until she got back."

So she'll be here soon. Quiet relief washes over him and Tony sinks back against his pillows. Good, that's good. He hadn't wanted to go much longer without seeing her, isn't sure that he could take it. There are vague memories in the back of his head of Pepper kneeling before him on the battlefield. _We're gonna be okay._ The brush of a kiss against his cheek, though that could have been his imagination, so far gone as he had been by then.

"Could have worse company than you, kiddo." So he'll opt for teasing, hope that the familiarity of it will clear some of the sadness from Peter's eyes. "Wanna tell me what the others have been up to? Maybe about school?"

Incredulous eyes lift to his face once more, the teenager's grip on his hand tightening a fraction. "You wanna hear about school?"

"I want you to talk to me, yeah." There's more that Tony can't quite bring himself to say:_ Tell me that you've got a normal life back. Tell me that you're safe and happy. Tell me that the world is back in one piece; that my sacrifice was all worth it._


End file.
